[Ogata really doesn't know what he's done to deserve any of this. He doesn't know what exactly Maya is asking him to do. He's always been like this. He doesn't think he knows any other way to be. But he's all out of arguments. Out of points to bring up. He sits there for a minute, head swimming. And perhaps because he's been so thoroughly defeated, that part of him that wanted to reach out for Maya's words this whole time finally surfaces. Maybe he could. Maybe he could try, somehow. Maybe things could be better. Maybe-
But, then again. She was right earlier. He's afraid. He's afraid of more turned backs and more denials. He's afraid of being used. Afraid of looking foolish and desperate, the pathetic child no one wanted, grasping desperately onto any glimmer of attention he could find. He doesn't want to feel like that ever again. He doesn't want to end up like his mother.]
... You mentioned I was like your family. What did you mean? [A distraction? A deflection. Sort of. But also, maybe, something to learn from. The reason Maya is so convinced he can change. He wants to know it.]
[ maya's satisfied with where this has gone, and he seems physically well enough that she could leave. but he brings up her family --- it'd been a slip of the tongue in the heat of the moment, dahlia, her mother, and morgan still circling her thoughts from wonderland, but now it's out in the open and he's asking about it. ]
[ she doesn't want to talk about it. she doesn't want to think about it. she never does. but this is the one situation where her past and the entire screwed up fey hierarchy could be of use. if only to help ogata. ]
Most of my family aren't like my sister and I. [ only pearl, too young to understand what being part of the branch family means, still innocent. ] The way my clan is set up..... it's designed to make us hate each other, and for the most part, it works. For generations, there's just been a cycle of betrayal, and bloodshed and murder. For power. For pride. And it's self-perpetuating. Sis and I chose not to be like that. She even distanced herself from me so that we wouldn't end up hating each other.... and to find our mother.
[ .... ]
That's another thing. Mia and I know what it's like to be abandoned. Our mother disappeared when we were both very young, right after our father died. The woman forced to raise us, well, she was like your....
[ despite the resolve she started off with, she can't finish the sentence. it's too painful to think of morgan like that, even though deep down she knows it's true. ogata will just have to connect the dots, because that's as far as maya can go. ]
[He can make a guess. No one being "forced" to raise a child was going to give them any real attention. He can imagine Maya faced with her fair share of turned backs, too. The family was at odds. Probably fighting over inheritances. Maybe only certain people got the medium powers. Maybe they were passed on. People treated family name as something so important, after all. Nobility. Rank and status. All something worth fighting over. Worth tossing people aside over.
He's not sure what to think about Maya being the way she is now, still basically a child, and having anything in common with the way he was raised. Doesn't that just prove his point? If Maya can be better, despite her circumstances, but he's still like this, he really must be...]
If you can go through all that and come out as normal as you are, there really must be something missing in me, after all. [He'd always figured it must have been a product of how he was born, how he was raised. But maybe not. Maybe he didn't have anyone else to blame.]
I don't think I'll ever stop thinking about if things would have been different if I'd been born like Yuusaku. If I could have been a whole person, then. [Legitimately, to parents that loved eachother. Imagine that.]
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But, then again. She was right earlier. He's afraid. He's afraid of more turned backs and more denials. He's afraid of being used. Afraid of looking foolish and desperate, the pathetic child no one wanted, grasping desperately onto any glimmer of attention he could find. He doesn't want to feel like that ever again. He doesn't want to end up like his mother.]
... You mentioned I was like your family. What did you mean?
[A distraction? A deflection. Sort of. But also, maybe, something to learn from. The reason Maya is so convinced he can change. He wants to know it.]
no subject
[ she doesn't want to talk about it. she doesn't want to think about it. she never does. but this is the one situation where her past and the entire screwed up fey hierarchy could be of use. if only to help ogata. ]
Most of my family aren't like my sister and I. [ only pearl, too young to understand what being part of the branch family means, still innocent. ] The way my clan is set up..... it's designed to make us hate each other, and for the most part, it works. For generations, there's just been a cycle of betrayal, and bloodshed and murder. For power. For pride. And it's self-perpetuating. Sis and I chose not to be like that. She even distanced herself from me so that we wouldn't end up hating each other.... and to find our mother.
[ .... ]
That's another thing. Mia and I know what it's like to be abandoned. Our mother disappeared when we were both very young, right after our father died. The woman forced to raise us, well, she was like your....
[ despite the resolve she started off with, she can't finish the sentence. it's too painful to think of morgan like that, even though deep down she knows it's true. ogata will just have to connect the dots, because that's as far as maya can go. ]
no subject
He's not sure what to think about Maya being the way she is now, still basically a child, and having anything in common with the way he was raised. Doesn't that just prove his point? If Maya can be better, despite her circumstances, but he's still like this, he really must be...]
If you can go through all that and come out as normal as you are, there really must be something missing in me, after all.
[He'd always figured it must have been a product of how he was born, how he was raised. But maybe not. Maybe he didn't have anyone else to blame.]
I don't think I'll ever stop thinking about if things would have been different if I'd been born like Yuusaku. If I could have been a whole person, then.
[Legitimately, to parents that loved eachother. Imagine that.]