[there are tears in the corners of her eyes, but they don't yet fall down her cheeks. she stands there with one arm extended, as though she intended to shove Maya away again, but her entire body feels too frozen to move. and when she fully absorbs what she's seen, her gaze falls on Maya, and. . .]
[the defensiveness in her expression is gone, replaced by something openly. . . remorseful?]
[it's fine, Catra understands the urge. she still kind of wants to run, too. but. . . yeah. it wouldn't be fair. not now that they've shared this-- however unwilling the sharing has been]
[. . .]
[she lifts a hand and scrubs at her eyes, tail flicking back and forth at her feet]
. . .
Um--
[she]
[feels like she should say something, but she isn't sure what words she should use]
That little girl deserved to be loved. I don't know your history, but.... Adora believes in you... and you haven't given me any reason not to believe in you, either.
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[ maya stares at catra, stricken, trying to articulate something..... ]
[ nothing comes out. ]
I'm sorry.
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[. . .]
[Catra folds her arms over herself, hugging herself tightly as though doing so could calm the frantic thrumming of her heart against her ribs]
It's fine. [she continues, voice still sharp, words still quick] It's fine. I don't need pity.
It doesn't matter; I'm not a kid anymore.
[if she says it enough will it be true??]
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[ swallows hard, trying to say the words "i understand", but nothing comes out. she's going to try to put her hand on catra's shoulder. ]
It doesn't matter how old you are, no one has the right to treat you like that!
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But it still happened, okay?! So it's not like anything can change it! I'm fine. I don't need--
[oh no why is she getting choked up]
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You don't... have to be fine, Catra....
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[and then she shrugs her shoulder in an attempt to push Maya away]
What do you know about it?
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[ good question ]
[ what does she know about it ]
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[freezes]
[there are tears in the corners of her eyes, but they don't yet fall down her cheeks. she stands there with one arm extended, as though she intended to shove Maya away again, but her entire body feels too frozen to move. and when she fully absorbs what she's seen, her gaze falls on Maya, and. . .]
[the defensiveness in her expression is gone, replaced by something openly. . . remorseful?]
I-- [. . . so it wasn't pity after all?]
I'm sorry. I didn't. . .
[she trails off]
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[ but that wouldn't be fair, would it? ]
[ she takes a deep breath, tries to steady herself, and... ]
I-It's... It's not your fault.
[ both not knowing, and the way shadow weaver treated her.... maya can't tell herself that, but she can tell catra. ]
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[. . .]
[she lifts a hand and scrubs at her eyes, tail flicking back and forth at her feet]
. . .
Um--
[she]
[feels like she should say something, but she isn't sure what words she should use]
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Sorry..... you shouldn't have had to see that, on top of your own memory....
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. . . stupid. Don't-- [a sharp exhale]
It's not like you should've seen mine, either.
[not for privacy reasons, but-- experiencing Catra's awful mother figure on top of her own??]
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[ she swallows, though ]
It's... stupid... but.... I just wanted her to love me.
[ she'd only admit this to catra, who gets it ]
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[. . .]
[she steps towards Maya, gaze still affixed on the ground]
It is stupid.
[but it's more self-mocking than, you know, an insult hurled at Maya]
. . . because no matter how much I tried, she never-- she wouldn't. . .
She'd always pick Adora over me.
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[ she swallows, hard, to bite back her own tears, but quietly: ]
You deserve to be loved, Catra.
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I don't.
[she spits out those words, voice strained]
Not after everything I've done, so don't-- don't go saying that when you don't. . . you know know.
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That little girl deserved to be loved. I don't know your history, but.... Adora believes in you... and you haven't given me any reason not to believe in you, either.
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[. . .]
[but. . . again, she. . . doesn't, arms falling back to her sides. but she isn't exactly returning the hug, either]
Adora's-- stupid.
[so, so stupid, for holding onto her, for going back for her, for not abandoning her after everything she's done]
You'd feel differently if you knew half of the things I've done. Even one-fourth of them.